Tranquility...

I guess I will just sit here all day.

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 21:03:41 GMT

Okay I guess I will just sit here in my room all day watching Lifetime and wishing for a better life. I pray for it every night. I just wish there was a secret to learn how to deal with everyday life. You know when I was 15, I prayed every night that I could hurry up and turn 16 so I could drive and never stay home. Then I didnt get a vehicle. So I wished for a year that 17 would hurry up so I could get a vehicle. NOW I am just waiting for 18, because with or without a vehicle..I'm leaving*NOBODY truly understands how I feel because they dont live here in my shoes every day 24-7.

Dex used to be my rock. But now its Jessi. I couldnt live without her. I wouldnt have a life without her. I WISH RIGHT NOW I HAD A HUGE FREAKIN LINE*

UGH UGH UGH~Im going back to lay down on my bed and watch TV*

Sometimes

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 02:45:06 GMT

I dont even know why I try anymore. Today was crappy. TIRED all freaking day. School, work, home seems to be my life. If I do get out of the house I get curfews like 9:00. I swear it seems as if my drama never ends.

Momma went to Louisiana again yesterday, not home today...she'll be coming tomorrow. I cleaned the house a little today. I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Took a shower, now I'm doing this..going to sleep.

School tomorrow. I been taking diet pills to give me plenty energy for school. I feel like my life is going in slow motion. Is it? I have four months left...60 something days to be exact until graduation.

Wanna know the biggest thing I regret about my high school career and life in general. Letting myself go. I let myself go for so long and now it has caught up with me.

I just want to get out, go to college, and be through with it.

So what is it going to really be like? I have no idea, but I'm ready for it.

BLAh BLah Blah

I am going to sleep before I get depressed.

WoW*

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 13:14:26 GMT

Yeah I am awake. It's 7:10 am. First day back to school today. I already miss being on vacation. I dont even want to go back to schoOL. But I gueess I have to. I bought a new shirt yesterday at Wal*Mart, its really cute. Hot Pink. I wish I could be back in Louisiana. But I only have 4 months and 10 days left. I can do this. I am probably going to go down there though for Mardi Gras which is the 24th of FebUrary until like the 28Th. I am just going to take off of work and miss schooL. Anywyas, I hAve To go get paCked up for SChOol..

AsHley ReNe CarLtoN* I love you dearly. Stay strong & remember call me, no matter what time, when, where, or why...Just dial my #~LOVE YOU

LoUiSianA

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 23:45:13 GMT

I am in Louisiana right now. I got here yesterday at around 5. We went to go eat out last night as a family. And we brought my truck, dad's truck...the two four-wheelers and OURSELVEs. AnyWay. We are going by my aunt sandra's tonight to PArTAy, pop fire-works...and ride 4-WheELeRs. I aint going over there for a lil bit though cuz I am chilling with my grandma right now.

AnYwAy. Kentral owes me 40 dollars now. He called me last night thinking he was slick tryin to bet on them effin Canes. LSU sSTomPeD THaT ASs LaSt Night. 40-3. 40 dollars...40 for LSU. LoL YeP. And He better pay me!! I aint playin this time.

WelL I am going eat again. Roast Beef Po-Boy...MmMMmMMm

My early Christmas present...

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 19:59:37 GMT

The first Christmas present I got this year was a ring from a very close friend who lives in Chipley. His name is Bo. He bought me a sort of friendship ring. Then yesterday I came home from work and saw two four-wheelers sitting in the yard. So I am thinking what the hell? Who is here on two four wheelers? So I walked inside and I started looking around for someone inside...that could've drove in on two four-wheelers. Nobody. So mom and dad are sitting at the table, laughing like what are you looking for? I said whose four-wheelers in the front yard? They said well one is yours and one is Harley's. I was like WHAT?!?!?! So yeah. I got a four-wheeler for Christmas. My early Christmas presents this year were great. A Suzuki Z-250. It's white and blue...matches my truck. LOL. Anyways, I am going to work now...I'll update more later.

ME and Dex are friends, but thats all. At least he's talking to me.

Back THeN

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 03:01:14 GMT

I was going to sit down here tonight and pour out everything inside and put it into words, but I'm exhausted. I can't think of a better time to go to sleep than now.

Short summary of my day:

SChOOL SUCKED. I feel like I canT brEathe when I see him. I feel like I just hurt my best friend, maybe its because I DID. I can't think of anything other than him. Felt like crying when we made eye contact.

1:30-WoRk. 2 year old classroom because the 2 yr old teacher can't get to work for the 2nd time this week. (By the way, its her first week) Can somebody say MIGRAINE? Worked til 5:30.

The ride home=Jessi calling, OIL LIGHT CAME ON, decided to take him his pillow, but not alone because I knew if I went alone...I'd freeze and not be able to say anything. So Jessi came with me. Got there, (I cried the whole time...trying to hide my face. The guilt is killing me more than anything. I cant believe I hurt him. I kNOW how bad the shit hurts but I still did it. And I dont know why?! I thought Quintin changed, but he didnt. And in the mean time I hurt one of the only people who truly cared for me.) Jessi gave him his pillow back. (Continued crying while Jessi TRIED to comfort me)(Had to go get gas, let her go in to pay. I didnt want n e one to see me crying)

Got home= He called. Asked me what I was doing. Asked me if I had his cD. I went to look for it, but I dont think I have it. Asked me if I can pick him up in the morning for school. And I will. I owe him so much, but I dont know if his trust can ever be regained and I dont have the strength to try. People make mistakes. Begging won't help. I already asked.

SOOOO there's may day. Like I said..Life sucks* And there's nothing I can do about it. I love him, so why would I hurt him?

ThIs time of tHA year..

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 03:57:40 GMT

What was I supposed to do? I feel like shit. I have a kidney infection, fluid behind my ears, and a migraine that will not go away. Life sucks. Guys suck. I hate living in Bonifay, wWHATS NEW? I miss Durell Marshall more than anything right now. Works..work. Schools..school.

Dexter has a new girlfriend. And I cheated on him. He liked me alot, but I cheated on him. Why? I have no idea. I dont think it would've lasted much longer anyway. I can't stand the thought of being without him, but I can not be with him either.

LiFe makes me cry every day. I cry every night. I can't stand the thought of what I did to him. I remember what it felt like when Quintin cheated on me. But now I cheated on Dex..with QUintin.

I can't stop crying. I just dont know anymOre. Day to day, I guess.

LouIsiana is waitin ON ME. Durell is waiTing On me. My future is waiTing and I have learned so many times...in the past, life doesnt stop. It just goes on and on, whether I want it to or not.

I have to hold myself up now* Its just me again.

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 19:37:50 GMT

I am at Jessi's. Hahnville lost last night :(. Christmas Ball is next Saturday so we are about to go shopping with my mom for an outfit. Next Saturday is going to be so busy. I have to wake up and drive to Defuniak SPrings to take the ACT at 8. Then I have to be back in Bonifay at 1:30 to get my hair done. Then I have to be at Mrs. Nikki's house, a lady I work with, for a Christmas party at 5:30. FINALLY I am going to the Christmas ball which starts at 7. Anyway, let me get out of here...going shopping!

Then you really might know what its like...

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 04:59:57 GMT

I didnt go to Louisiana this past weekend. NOPE. Instead I had to stay home, but me and Jessi had tons of fun. I enjoyed catching up with her like the good ole days. I bought two new shirts today. Momma told me I didnt have to pay my insurance again until January. That is a BIG relief. I brought Kendra home today, to where she now lives in Caryville. Her and Corey's trailer is nice. We lost my phone. LOL. The dumbass put it in her purse. LoL. I am so glad that she is finally happy. She seems as if everything is going good for her. She just has to get her a new vehicle. Corey wrecked his truck so right now they are without a vehicle. So I opened up my heart and brought her home today. I dont mind though cuz I know what it is like to not have a ride.

ANYWAYS. Me and Heather partied all weekend. Last night I woke up at about 1 and did not go back to sleep AT ALL. I only got like three hours sleep. I was extremely tired today at school. I hope it starts to get cooler again. I love the winter time but it was so humid today that it wasnt cold. I get off at 4:30 again tomorrow so I am hoping to come home and catch up on housework. I need to help my mom out by doing some laundry and stuff. I also need to wash my truck. I have to take my daddy's truck tomorrow because my right front tire is leaking air...slowly. So he is going to take it to get it checked out in the morning.

ANYWHO. I have to go to sleep now. I'm going to go and lay on the couch and watch TV. Hopefully I'll fall asleep.

Its true!

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 21:09:51 GMT

Yep. So me and Dex are talking again. Thank God. I would much rather him be my best friend as he is now than not have him in my life at all. Today is Turkey Day or better known as Thanksgiving. LoL. I am just happy because I didnt have to work today or tomorrow. I am going to Louisiana tomorrow. I will most likely spend the whole weekend but my mom's birthday is Saturday so I am not sure how that is going to work out. Anyways, we are about to eat so I guess I will go. Later days guys!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!It's almost December* Christmas TIME

If only life was as easy...

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 02:54:10 GMT

I sit here sometimes and I think of EVERYTHING from A-Z. What I've been through and what I'm going to go through. I know it is not going to be easy, but I heard something today that made so much sense and just fell into place. It's never easy when you start off, but in the end-it all works out for the best. It may take 20 years to figure it all out, but when you finally do, it feels so good. I have been so stressed out lately. I mean I go to school and from there go straight to work. In the afternoons, I am so tired I usually just do my homework and go straight to sleep. I even started having to take showers in the morning because I am too tired at night. My room is constantly a mess. And my nerves are ALWAYS racked. I sat there tonight and I just cried and cried. I just had to get it all out. I am leaving Friday morning to go to Louisiana for the Hahnville-East St.John game. I am so ready to move there when school gets out in May. I am seriously debating what I want to do when I graduate. I am seriously considering moving somewhere where nobody knows me at all. And I dont know anybody else. I have a problem with people knowing my past. I dont want to live with this broken heart for the rest of my life. And by moving away the first time I cleared out my conscience and I cleared out my "problem-filled" life, my stressful life. And then I moved back here and WHAM! it all comes back. So I know FOR SURE I want to move away from here, but where I go next is unsure. Sometimes, I just need someone to call me and ask me how I'm doing. And I need a figure in my life I can trust more than anything. miss my grandma.

And my cousin. He was that figure for me. I could tell him ANYTHING. But he left. And I know it seems as if it will never end, but I have to get through it and not give in, right? I could count on him to push me through..but now he isn't here..so he still pushes me but just gentler. And in his own way.

Love won't let me fall. And I know there is nothing to bring me down anymore. I just get knocked around, but if I fall...trust me I'll get back up.

LoL

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 01:57:04 GMT

I hate people who read my journal and then turn around and go and tell everyone what I wrote...yet I dont even KNOW who the fuckin people reading my journal are.

From now on...all of my entries will be friends only* SoOoO Sorry if you aren't on my friend's list.

LiL BiTcHes>>

*I LOVE DEXTER ROBINSON*

Now...go tell him that I wrote that in here :)

He's not a bad person, he just hurt me a little ;)

WoW*

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 03:34:06 GMT

Someday, I will have to learn that love is not near perfect. Either is life. I can't sit here and act like I don't have things rough because every day just gets fuckin harder and harder, but how do you explain to someone you love that
you can't do anymore than what you are doing to make the relationship work? I didnt think it was possible. But he just keeps telling me he doesnt think we should be together. And I'm not going to beg. I begged before and it didnt get me anywhere. I'm done with this shit. I can't handle him not being here. I just lay there at night with his pillow in my arms. I can't give it back. I don't know how to handle the fact that he won't talk to me at school anymore. Or he won't be calling me in the afternoons. I dont know how to end a relationship without burning all bridges. Because if I dont burn all bridges, I will stay connected. And I will hold on with a glimmer of hope. Quintin Terrel McTheney was the ONLY guy I held on to. And I swore after I lost him that it would not happen again. And it's not.

Like I said, I love him...I gave him almost two months of my life, but I am not going to beg for him. I can't make this relationship work on my own. It takes two in every relationship. I have other things I need to worry about. He can not be my TOP priority right now. It just can't be that way. I have to worry about Sheyla...and Harley. Not Dexter.

I just don't know what I am going to do. It is like he has grown on me. Maybe we do need this. They say If you love someone let them go, if they come back their yours. So I guess I will just wait around to see if he is going to come back.

I remember days I would wake up and cry from the time I got up to the time I got to school. My eyes were so sore all the time from crying. I couldn't help it. I couldnt stop crying. He was my life. But do you think that for one second Quintin stopped his life to think about what he was doing to me? no.

I can't go through everything all over again. If we do OFFICIALLY end this and cut all ties...I'll just stay single. I wont look. I wont even try. I will focus on my priorities and my life. It is going to be hard, no doubt.

I just can't cry. I can't bring myself down to that point.

oh my...

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 22:37:33 GMT

LoL. Back to Bonifay. I knew it was only a matter of time before stupid drama started again and my name was involved. I hate drama. More than anything or anyone...I HATE DRAMA!

Dexter and I are great. I rode my little brother's bike all the way to go and meet him last night. I was home by myself, but he didnt feel like walking over here. :-/ LoL. Anyways, I am still home by myself.

Daddy was supposed to have gone and looked at some vehicles for me and my mom this morning but I havent heard any good news on that subject yet. Guess I will find out when they get home soon.
Friday night was homecoming for us. We beat Bozeman 43-0. Hahnville's homecoming was Friday night too...and they won like 52-14 or something like that...GOOD JOB GUYS!
I have so much to do this week. I have to pick up on my life and continue on even though I dont have a vehicle at this moment.

Nothing exciting or extraordinary happened to me this week or weekend.

LoL.
YEAH my life is boooooorrrrinnngggg. I know, something needs to happen that is worth writing in here about.

I havent talked to my baby today :(

Life continues on...right?

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 05:00:39 GMT

I guess life continues on even though sometimes I just wish time would stop. I still don't have a vehicle. We went to look today though. I think I want a truck this time around. I dont know though what daddy is gonna get me. I'll take whatever now. I mean it really doesnt matter just as long as I have a vehicle.

Anyways, other than that...I am fine. Dexter and I are great. I havent got to talk to him as much as I'd like because I dont have my own vehicle. Anyways, I am at Jessica's tonight. I am about to go to sleep. I have to get up early. :(

I LOVE DEXTER DESEAN ROBINSON!!!!!

My wonderful friend Paris...

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 06:12:55 GMT

My wonderful friend Paris took me to my car and let me use his digital camera to take pictures of my wrecked car.

So if you want to see them...post your email addy in a comment b/c i dont know how to upload pictures on here. I'll send them to ya'll in an email.

P.S. If you dont want to get depressed, dont look at them :(

P.P.S I TALKED TO MY BOYFRIEND TODAY! YAY! AND I CANT WAIT TO GET THERE TOMORROW SO I CAN SEE HIM.

What a fucking weekend...

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 20:44:15 GMT

Where do I begin? I can't get into many details because I don't have the time or energy so here goes. Friday night, I got here to Louisiana...went to the football game in Harvey at West Jeff Stadium...on the way home, totaled out my car!!! DONT ASK BECAUSE I DONT FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT! Spent Friday night in the hospital. Then Saturday morning, I WAS EFFIN DETERMINED TO GO TO THE FLORIDA-LSU game because that is the main reason I carried my ass down here. SOOOO I WENT! And LSU whipped ass...21-17, GATORS SUCK! Anyways, then after the game, came back to my grandma's...called my friend Latyra, told her to come get me so I could go to the junk yard and get my stuff out of my car...went that way, got my stuff out. We went to meet 40 and Tuck...we all hung out for about 20 minutes...chit chatted and caught up..then I went home and went to sleep. ;) LoL. This morning I slept late. Got up about 12-12:30. Went to my aunt's house and ate boiled crabs. MmmMMmmmMMMm. And I am back at my grandma's again.

I'll probably go hang out with BM for a little while. My mom and dad are leaving tonight so they can be here first thing in the morning.

I won't be going to school tomorrow. And I won't be going to work either, but I will be back in FULL SWING Tuesday. You best believe.

And one more thing I discovered through this fucked up wrecking of my car...I have to love Dexter. He was the first person I wanted to talk to while I was sitting in my car...He was the first person I thought about. :( And I havent even talked to him since I left Friday. :*(

Welp...gotta go...call my cell if ya'll wanna talk! 228-342-5621

P.S. I got full coverage on my car, so I'll be getting a new one this week or next week. :D

To Make You Feel My Love...

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 04:45:39 GMT

Wow. I didnt know a relationship was going to be this hard. It seems as if everything his ex-girlfriend did, I am paying for. And thats not right.

I forgot what it was like. It's been a long time since I have felt this way about a guy. I've had plenty of relationships where I thought they would last, but they didnt. But I never got really upset or anything. With him, I feel a difference. I feel as if I can't give up because deep inside, I know it will work. He has major trust issues because he's been hurt, but so do I. And I don't hang them over his head and make him pay for everything my ex's have done.

I compare everyone to Quintin McTheney. He was my first love. And for a while he was my only love. But I got over him. It took so long. And I'm scared. I dont want to go through that all over again. And I guess now I am just having second thoughts about our relationship.

I do miss Quintin sometimes. I wish I could talk to him without getting attached all over again, but I know that is not possible. Maybe I haven't found true closure to what He and I had. I dont know. I just wish it would all go away. I just wish somewhere through this dark, I could find the light

--Dexter DeSean Robinson--
What can I say ya'll? I love him. And it's true. Tomorrow is one month. I got his pillow today, so while I am in Louisiana I can sleep with him. :)
-- --

There's a song by Jon B he made me listen to today and he said whenever he is having second thoughts and I feel that is is confused to make him listen to it. It's called They Don't Know.

I lay down every night and he is the last thing on my mind. I wake up in the morning and he is the first thing on my mind. I think of ways I can get to see him. I make Josh, his best friend, go sleep by his house so he can use Josh's cell phone because they don't have a phone.

It's scary to think I am in love again. It will be two years in January from the day I left Quintin crying in my drive way. And here I am back in Bonifay. He hasn't tried to connect things back. So it is his loss. I moved on. And I am with Dexter. All I want is for things to work out between us. I just forgot how hard it was to make a relationship work.

Just a survey I stole from Samone!

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 05:45:24 GMT

50 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW
ERASE MY ANSWERS THEN PUT YOUR OWN. Then re-post it with ur answers!!

1. Do you have a middle name?Yes, Noel

2. Last person you kissed? Dexter DeSean Robinson

3. What are you listening to right now? Kenny Chesney: There Goes My Life...Garth Brooks-The Beaches of Cheyenne...Shania Twain-Don't

4. what are the last 2 digits in your phone number? Home: 21 Cell: 21

5. What was the last thing you ate? Chips and Dip

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be and why? Pink...It's my favorite color :)

7. How is the weather right now? Wonderful...night-time chills..

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Dexter Robinson

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes

10. Favorite type of Food? Seafood...MmMmMmmmmMMMMmm

11. Do you drink? Occasionally

12. Do you smoke? NOOOoooOOOooo

13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you did? Yep...several times :D

14. Hair color? Brown w/ Blonde Highlights

15. Eye color? Green

16. Do you wear contacts? Nope

17. Favorite Holiday? Thanksgiving...all the food :D

18. Favorite Month? May

19. Have you ever cried for no reason? Yes

20. Last Movie you Watched? The Diary of a Mad Black Woman

21. Favorite Day of the Year? May 26th..or June 3rd

22. Are you too shy to ask someone one out? NAhH..

23. If you can say something to someone right now what would
it be? You don't know how much you mean to me..

24. Hugs or Kisses? Kisses

25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla

26. What books are you reading? NoNe

27. Piercings? Three in each ear...Tongue...Belly button

28. Favorite movie? What's Love Got to do with it

29. favorite basketball teaM? Don't watch basketball...LSU Women's Team

30. what are you doing:? Filling this out...and listening to music.

31. Any pets? My dog...LL

32. AIM? lilshey0624

33. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Butter

34. Dogs or cats? Dogs

35. Favorite Flower? The kind that come from out of nowhere...just whenever, to let me know someone loves me...:) Pink ONES!

36.Have you ever been caught doing something you werent supposed to?LoL. YES...MANY TIMES

37.Are you single or taken? Taken

38.Have you ever loved somone?: Yes

39. Who would you like to see right now? Dexter..so I can make his sick go away...and make him feel better :(

40.Are you still friends with your ex's? No...I prefer not to talk to them because they all cheated on me or screwed me over. :'( But I'm not mad because I have one now thats true.

44. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes SiR...I'm from the country...I got a shot gun and a rifle..lol, firing range is an every other weekend thing!

45. Do you like to travel by plane? Never have.

46. Right-handed or Left-handed?: Right

47. If you can be with someone right now, who would it be? Dexter

48. How many pillows do you sleep with? 4...I LoVe Pillows...and I even sleep with my baby's pillow. :)

49.Do you have a tatoo? Not Yet...but will soon.

50. Can you see your self married? Someday...MAYBE

Yeah...

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 04:57:15 GMT

Well I guess since I am going back to Louisiana this weekend, I will sit here for the next two days and remember all the good times I had while I was living there.

I am going to miss Dex more than anything while I'm there.

ANYWAYS, 2 days...Wednesday and Thursday. Whoo!

Looking back..

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 01:26:01 GMT

Okay. So I was just reading some of my past entries and just looking back thinking about all of the things that happened to me while I was in Louisiana. This time of the year always makes me think and look back on my life. I wish I wouldn't have done some of the things I did, but hell I can't go back and change anything so fuck it. I mean I did some stupid shit. DAMN. Anyways, I think I lost my necklace. I can not find it anywhere. I know I had it on at the rodeo last night, but after that I can't imagine where it went or what I done with it. I am sooooo tired. I have to work tomorrow 12:30-5:30. I can't wait until Friday. I'm going to Louisiana to visit. I am going to make an appearance at the Hahnville game, then I am going with my uncle Saturday to the LSU/Florida game...FUN FUN FUN!!!! I'm excited. I know I am going to miss my baby though. Anyways, my mom and dad should be leaving to go to Louisiana sometime soon...like within the next couple of hours.

I wish I could find my necklace. DAMMIT MAN! I already lost one of my earrings with my name on it and now I think I lost my necklace with my name on it. If I did lose it, I guess I am going to have to buy myself another one. My dad has a habit of taking and hiding my jewelry from me if I leave it around the house. And so I think he may have done that this time, but he swears he didn't. UUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Anyways, I am going to shower and find something to get into.

Maybe we'll wake up day and this will all just be a dream...

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 12:07:08 GMT

Why does everything have to be so hard? I mean I know life isn't going to be easy with him by my side, but all I want is him by my side. So how do you cure this? It's like the only thing I want is the only thing everybody else doesnt want me to have. I like him so much. And everyone around us is against us. We are going through so much bullshit. And I just keep being optimistic. You know. Oh we'll get through it. But inside, I'm dying. I don't know what else to do. I can't MAKE them see my point. I don't even know what the big fucking issue is. I'm not going to ruin my life. And they are scared of that.

Well...here come the true colors

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 17:10:29 GMT

Wow! Okay this morning I figured out exactly how big of a bitch Dex's mom is. LoL. He was in his room, FULLY DRESSED and getting his shoes on. So when I pulled up to pick him up, I went inside and walked into his room to get my phone and hurry him along. LoL. Well sister didn't know that was the WRONG thing to do. She says UH Sheyla, No ma'am. LoL. And she looked at me like I was stupid. I was just like Hurry up Dexter! LoL.

So my mom likes Dexter, and my dad doesnt. And NOBODY in his family..sister or mom neither likes me.

I dont care. We know its just us. And we dont give a fuck what anybody else thinks. My weekend was GREAT. I went Saturday to the beach and spent the night Sat. night and Sunday night there. And then yesterday morning, I went to the courthouse to take care of all of that business, with my speeding ticket. Anyways, I am going to work before I'm late.

Two weeks today!

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 12:04:30 GMT

It's only been two weeks for me and Dexter. GOSH it seems soooo much longer than that. Anyways, I am going to school in my PJ's today. LoL. We play Chipley tonight! OUR BIGGEST RIVALRY. And I'm not even going to the game. HA! I have to close at work today and I doubt my parents will let me go anywhere or do anything. Assholes

It hurts

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 03:21:09 GMT

It hurts me so bad to sit here and know he is probably waiting on me. It hurts me to sit here and cry because I can't see him tonight. Nobody wants me with him. NOBODY. Not my mom, not my dad, not even my little brother. He didnt do anything wrong. It is the color of his skin and they are not colorblind as I am. I can't help the way I feel, no matter how hard I try. And either they will learn to accept him and I together, or my parents will have to learn to live w/o me.

For 17 years, I have always done everything in my power to please them. I have tried soooo hard. But now, it is my turn. It is my time. I can no longer sit here in this shell hoping for my prince to come and rescue me. Dexter is my prince. And he's here. And it may not be for long. Only time can tell the story. So for now, I have to make the best of my situation.

He left me a note in my locker today at school. It was different bits of songs. And I couldn't stop smiling. I love the way it feels when I am with him. I love the way he holds me if I am having one of my bad moments. And how he promises he is gonna be there for me no matter what.

So now everyone around me is making me cry, and it is only making him and I closer because he holds me. He's my strength. And I can't let him go. He promises me forever.

The difference between him and ALL THE OTHER GUYS: He actually means everything he says. If I dont talk to him for one day, he goes crazy. I go crazy.